Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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