don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
