I need to stop coming to work sober
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize