If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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