I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
