I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i barfeds in our rink
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Sorry my hands just texted you
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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