mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
