where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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