he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
