that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
