Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
