2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
