the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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