I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
