im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
