Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
