Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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