guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
They took my balls.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
