he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
