I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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