My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
