I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize