Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
