The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
