I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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