I wannas sexs uuuuu
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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