sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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