I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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