She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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