I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
