I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
