but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm like, not good at living.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
