Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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