M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
