Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
