Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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