Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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