brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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