Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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