Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
