I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
