dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
