Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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