Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
