Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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