I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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