Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
