Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
