You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize