Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
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