can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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