trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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