sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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