I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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