Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
