Jerry, you need to find god
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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