everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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