I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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