census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
