After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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