somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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