i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
