Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
