She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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