I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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