He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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