I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
