Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize