the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
