Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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