This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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