Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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