Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
