I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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