I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
