Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
"it" just moved
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
