i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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