A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
