Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize