What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
