she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
