I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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