I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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