i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
