I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
its not stalking. its research.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
