We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
