like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Redeem this text for a blowjob
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
