Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
