Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
