im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
