Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
