I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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