That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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