You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
