do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
