I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
