alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
