U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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