Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
