My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
