Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize