do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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