We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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