boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
